You know that thing people do sometimes, when they make a joke or light of something that obviously has been an issue and been annoying them for quite sometime, but they've never brought it up before because they are pussies? Like saying, "Wow, I haven't see you wear that sweater you always wear in awhile… you look really nice," or something of the sort?

Alright, I'm walking through the reception area which has marble tiles on the floor. Usually, I wear these little one inch heals, which, YES I will admit are a little on the noisy side when I walk. Well, today, I'm wearing flip-flops which are silent as a Mormon's wedding night. So, the Assistant Receptionist, who is sitting next to the Regular Receptionist, says:

"Wow, I didn't even recognize you without your shoes, I'm used to this heavy gate when you walk by!"

The Actual OldFatHaggard Receptionist: "I know, you would expect from someone who looks like a dancer (second time this week I've been referred to as a dancer by the way)*, this little Skinny-Minnie thing, who walks so loud!" For one thing, I'm not little. I'm 5ft 9. And I wear a size 10 shoe… the sound reverberation has to go somewhere, alright?

AssRec: "I know, even the client's look up, like 'yeah! I'm awake now!" Hardy-Har-fucking-Har...

At this point you have to understand that I am agreeing with them, trying to relay an antitode about when I was little - heavy walk, hardwood floors, mad parents, ect. - but they won't let me say anything; they just keep right on commenting…

FATRegReceptionits: "I know, every time, I know it's you, I don't even have to look up. I think 'oh, here she comes'" You know if I cared at this point, I would be getting self-conscious and embarrassed… IF I cared.

AR: "Yeah, you know, you're as thin as a rail*, but your walk, you sound like you're 400 pounds!" Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ people.

I try to give my antidote one more time, to explain the level of my self-awareness, but nope… no word in edgewise, so I turn around and say, walking back to my desk "Yeah, it's funny… my flip-flops are pretty silent though..."

You know, I half expect their following conversation to be:
"So, do you think she realizes it now?"
"Let's hope so, I mean, she's the only one who doesn't notice it"**
"Whew… I think we might have gotten through to her…"

Yeah, people. Clear as a fucking bell on Christmas morning. I realize that my walk is loud and obnoxious and people look up to see whose coming… I realize this annoys you… am I going to stop? Nope. I'm not going to change a Goddamned thing.

*The only reason why I think that they think I look so thin is because they are so mammoth in size… that's what happens when you sit at a computer/reception desk all day, and then go home and watch American Idol while munching on Cheetos… just sayin'.

** I have known that I'm a loud walker since I was around 4 years old. Like several special idiosyncrases, it has been the subject of many arguments with my parents, and significant others, but like many things (my messiness, my inability to spell, the fact that I don't know my left from my right, my affinity for prescription pills), I am very VERY aware, and I'm not going to change it. So you love me and find my flaws endearing, or you can go fuck yourself.