Über-Secretaries:

Über, being German for over, in the sense of greater, or "in superiority to," or "in preference to," which to me sounds a lot like Hitler's definition of the "chosen people," and reasoning for "the extermination of the jews."

and

Secretary, being "a desk with a small bookcase on top." Wait that's not right… sorry, it's "a person employed to handle correspondence, keep files, and do clerical work for an employer or an organization," if you take the word "person" and replace it with "bitter woman" we have our winner.

So, when you use them in succession we've got: "a German he-woman who thinks they are the chosen people, or in the superior ranks of the bitter women, whose livelihood consists of menial, menial tasks that monkeys should be trained to do*"

*I'm not saying that monkeys would like it either.

So there are a few Über-Secretaries at the firm that I work at. Unfortunetly, they are the best at their jobs, so you desperately want these women on your side, because if they smell incompetent fresh-meat (which by the way smells a little like 3 day old Salmon) they will rip you apart with their filed down teeth, and stick a letter opener up your ass. And that is exactly what has been happening to me by one of them, at an uncomfortable frequency.

Not that I'm incompetent, but unfavorably, one of the Übers who had actually liked me, and had respect for me before, found out that I don't like to file (which qualifies me as lazy), and therefore began her reign of terror.

Terror includes the following:

- Not looking up from your desk when I ask you a question.

- Scoffing at the question I just asked you, and saying "I don't know, I don't do that, ask someone else!"

- Snapping at me when I use the copy machine by your desk to make one copy to be scanned, because that is the logical thing to do and say "Don't use that copier, gawd!"

- When I try to explain the logic behind my decision, exclaiming this odd, "fffffsssstttt"-like, cat hiss from your oral orifice to shut me up.

- Standing next to me to wait for the elevator, then begin to talk small talk to someone else, completely ignoring my presence, saying "I have so much work to do…"

- When I chime in to make a comment, "really, I could help out with some stuff –" (obviously trying to take some of her work load off of her) continue to ignore me, and speak right over me.

- Then finish your conversation by saying to the other person: "Yeah, I opened my book last night, and I just couldn't do a thing. I've got a long night ahead of me. I hate pre-algebra."

Hold the phone. Pre-Algebra? This is the Queen-Über of the floor… she's probably 39 and has a glandular problem, and she's taking Pre-Algebra… but more than that she has "a long night ahead" of her toiling, and sweating over the pages of a 7th grader's math book… that I did for fun when I was 10?

Reign of Terror Complete. Any intimidation has now been deflated and is lying in a pool of ooze on the floor.

Yes. It's 5:15. I'm going home.