It smells in here. But not a normal "death" smell or something like that, there is an amalgamation of smells wafting in and out of the office today, and it's getting on my olfactory nerve.

First off: There was a mishap with a sweet potato yesterday. Apparently, it had been left in the microwave for the amount of time it would take to fully de-feather, baste, and cook a baby bird, and it was nuked into what appeared to be the afterbirth of nuclear waste. It made the entire floor smell, and let me tell you, as you probably already know, in high rise buildings (one of which I do work) there are no openable windows. So the administrative-slaves set up high-powered industrial fans all over the floor, and, because there are none of these aforementioned openable windows, the air is just blown around in one big ironic circle. Thus, today it still smells like sweet-burntown-potato. It's gross and as far as I'm concerned (the laws of physics be what they may) the smell isn't going to go away unless someone opens a fucking window.

Secondly: TMI woman (to refresh memory, I know ever so more about her bodily functions than I ever… EVER wanted to) has a burn. She's had a burn for the last three months, either that or she's gotten addicted to Tiger-Balm, or whatever heinocity she uses as "ointment" (wow, what a gross word that is, eh?) for this supposed "burn". She's the walking causation of why my eyes are watering and nostrils are burning right at this very moment. It smells like Eucalyptus-mint-burnt-hair-Wasabee and it makes me want to kill my sense of smell with the sweet sting of punching-myself-in-the-face-as-to-give-myself-a-bloody-nose.

Third: I think I might smell because I didn't take a shower last night, or this morning. You see, my boss wanted me here a half-an hour early, and I have my mornings down to an exact science:

8:41 am – Get out of bed.
8:42 am – Get into shower.
8:45 am – Pick up clothes off of floor and get dressed.
8:47 am – Leave dwelling and hop in car in order to get to work at …
9:03 am – Arrive at work.*

* I will spare you the details of what I do in the car as a continuation of my process of awakening, but I assure you it's extensive.

Anyway. The boss asked that I be in at 8:30am, and so therefore the three minutes I need to take a shower in the morning are cut out of my day, and I simply go from "Get out of bed" to "Pick clothes up…" thereby laying the foundation for me to smell not so fresh this morning (Oh, and I'm wearing the same pants I wore yesterday, but I doubt anybody will notice... hopefully).

But I would rather smell myself than a mix of Sweet-potato-death-and-fat-tiger-buttered-in-mint-oil that's been lit on fire and is now roasting next to the copier, where I want to get my coffee. Trust me, I smell much better than that.